


hold me (while you wait)

by letusbebrave



Series: passed down like folk songs [2]
Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, basically just letting my feelings out, they're so soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:00:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letusbebrave/pseuds/letusbebrave
Summary: “I’ll be back,” she promises once Dani’s eyelids are heavy and dropping.“Promise?”And god. It’s in the same soft, hopeful voice as Dani has said before. Softness replaces the anxiety as she strokes Dani’s hair back again, the curls pushing against her fingers. This time she won’t tease. No, she’ll make this promise. She shouldn’t have left in the first place.aka 6 conversations in bed
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Series: passed down like folk songs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984507
Comments: 101
Kudos: 709





	1. the night of

**Author's Note:**

> this is canon with my first fic.

Owen’s repeated question about Hannah was not answered that moment. Instead, Henry ushered them all inside. Flora and Dani were still wet, but Jamie didn’t even think about herself at that moment. Just the woman clinging to her side, whispering the same words over and over again. Owen stayed in the kitchen as the other two groups headed up the stairs. He had supported the majority of Dani while they walked back to the residence. Jamie kept Dani’s trembling body against hers as they made their way up the stairs. 

“I’ll come back down,” she promised him as they left for Dani’s bedroom. “I’ll be back.”

There was dread that filled her mind when she thought about Hannah. Nothing good had happened. Whatever Henry told them about Hannah, Jamie wanted to be there for Owen. She  _ needed _ to be there with him. Hannah had been her first friend on the grounds. The first person that she had made a genuine connection with in such a long time. A connection that gave her smiles and support. The Wingraves may have welcomed her into their fold, but it was Hannah who had given her the seal of approval. Hannah had been the one to understand what she had been through, she worked to get past Jamie’s barriers, she worked to gain her trust. She didn’t judge and it was so refreshing to be around someone who didn’t shy away at the mention of time locked up. It had been Hannah who had been her first real friend in years.

Jamie would never forget that.  _ Never _ .

And Owen… It had always been there, the moments between Hannah and Owen. She had tried her best to push them towards each other. Orbiting around each other, both waiting for a moment that never came. That never would come. It was a hurt that would last a lifetime. She knew it in her bones. 

She would be there for him. She wouldn’t let him go through anything alone.

“It’s us.”

“Shhh,” Jamie hushes again once they enter the au pair’s room. She doesn’t understand what the words mean, just that they are important to Dani. 

“It’s us,” Dani is saying it quieter now, not like the mantra she had been saying by the lake. 

Jamie isn’t sure what else to say. “It’s okay,” she tries again, not sure what she can say. How do you explain what has happened? Other than just trying to give any comfort she can. So, she tries anything she can. “You’re okay. Flora is okay.” 

Dani says it again, staring right into Jamie’s eyes. Jamie’s attention focus bounces between the two different colors. Blue  _ and _ brown. What happened? A different color, but it was still undeniably  _ Dani’s _ eye. It was her. “It’s us.” It must mean something. It means something very important, but Jamie hasn’t figured it out yet. 

The lake is filthy, but Jamie doesn’t dare suggest a shower to Dani in those moments. She just knows that it isn’t a good idea in her bones. Instead, she helps Dani to sit on a chair while she ruffles through her drawers looking for something for Dani to change into. Something easy and simple. She ruffles for a minute, before producing a nightgown. “Poppins, you need to get changed.” 

Dani shakes on the chair. There’s no movement or any indication that Dani has heard or registered her words. Instead, she tries handing the clothes to Dani, but her hands don’t reach to grab them. 

“Do you need help?” Jamie offers. She can help; she can do that. She fixes things, she can help fix this, in this moment, she can help fix it.

And Dani nods. It’s small and so subtle that she would have missed it if she had not been paying attention. 

“Okay. Okay.” It takes a moment to try and figure out the logistics of it all, for her to reach out a hand to help Dani stand back up. Dani’s still shaking, but it’s softer now, more of a tremble. A tremble that Jamie never wants to see again. 

“Hands up then, love.”

It’s been a while since she had taken care of someone else like this. Possibly not since Mikey was young and they were alone. But with Dani, it seems easy because she wants to help. The sweater is a bit heavier now that it’s heavier, so it takes a few extra moments of manoeuvring to get it off Dani’s head. She’ll throw it in the laundry downstairs once they’re done. She’s sure Flora’s clothes will need to be washed as well. She’ll stop by her room before going back downstairs to Owen. 

Jamie makes sure her hands don’t linger too long on Dani’s body. She has the long bed dress readily available on the bed. She’s behind Dani when she unclasped her bra. Should this feel harder? More embarrassing? More  _ something _ . But it doesn’t. It feels like help and comfort. It feels right, so Jamie continues going. 

She turns and helps Dani slip the nightgown over her head, draping it down her body. “Shit,” Jamie curses before lifting the dress again so it doesn’t get soaked by Dani’s jeans. She had forgotten the jeans and shoes before starting. “Hold on to this for me.” Dani’s hands are still trembling as she holds the nightgown up. 

It’s easier if she gets onto her knees to slip off Dani’s waterlogged shoes. The floor isn’t forgiving on her knees, but she isn’t focused on anything but Dani. “Lift,” she commands softly, lifting each foot out of the shoe and the sock. She does the same for the opposite side, before standing up to help Dani out of her pants. This part she lets Dani do. She holds out the clean underwear she had picked up. She averts her eyes as Dani leans down to slip them up her legs underneath the dressing gown. 

“There we go.” 

It’s still dark outside, but Jamie knows the sun will rise in just an hour or so. She doesn’t know if Dani knows this, but there’s such heaviness in the air that Jamie knows she needs to help Dani lay down. Sleep away some of the tremors and horrors of the night. Sleep away through the exhaustion.

She lets Dani’s hair down out of its ponytail before she has even thought about it. Jamie’s own hair hurts if she lays with it still tied up and she doesn't want Dani to hurt, not if she can help it.

“It’s us,” Dani repeats softly. “It’s us.” 

Everything she has wishes to understand what Dani is saying. “It’s us,” she repeats as she pulls back the sheets to Dani’s bed. 

“No,” Dani shakes again. She’s done something wrong and the peace they had started to create starts to evaporate. “No. It’s  _ her _ .”

Jamie shushes again. “Alright,” she whispers, guiding Dani into the bed. “Easy.” 

“It’s her. She-- she’s  _ me _ .” 

She doesn’t understand. It doesn’t make sense, but Dani’s looking at her like she’s just unearthed some universal secret to tell Jamie. It’s real to Dani and that makes it real. “She’s not you. You’re you.”

“No. It’s us. It’s us.” Dani’s upset again and Jamie curses herself. “She’s there. She’s there. It’s us.”

“I believe you.” Dani needs to know that. Jamie believes what she's saying-- she had seen as much herself, not the full story, not what happened within Dani, but she believed her. “I believe you.” Jamie runs her hand through Dani’s hair, hoping it will help settle Dani back down into the bed. Anything to give her a bit of comfort. She’s sat on the edge of the bed, trying to help lull Dani back down. 

It seems to help. She continues her new mantra. “I believe you.” The desperation in Dani’s eyes seem to settle. She believes her and that’s the important thing. She believes in Dani. That’s enough for her. 

She knows she’s told Owen she’ll be back down. But she’s sat down on the bed now and doesn’t know if she can get up quite quickly. Dani is finally back to not saying the same words over and over again. She doesn’t want that peace to be ruined by her leaving. Instead, she keeps a hand on Dani. She keeps looking at Dani and watching her calm down slowly. “It’s alright.” It will be alright, Jamie will make sure of it. Whatever faces Dani next will face the both of them. Any noise that arises sends Jamie back into motion, tucking Dani’s hair back behind her ear, letting her fingers linger on Dani’s face. The ends of Dani’s hairs are starting to dry and her eyes are starting to drift off. Jamie continues her gentle strokes of Dani’s face and hair. 

Jamie wants to lay down beside her as the moments pass away. Not to sleep-- just to stay there. Just making sure that Dani was okay and safe. That there was no monster coming out of the lake. To make sure Dani was safe. 

“I’ll be back,” she promises once Dani’s eyelids are heavy and dropping. 

“Promise?” 

And  _ god _ . It’s in the same soft, hopeful voice as Dani has said before. Softness replaces the anxiety as she strokes Dani’s hair back again, the curls pushing against her fingers. This time she won’t tease. No, she’ll make this promise. She shouldn’t have left in the first place. “I promise.” She presses a kiss to Dani’s forehead. And when she does, she realizes that it's the first time she hasn’t felt Dani shaking. The kiss lasts a few moments as Jamie’s eyes close as well. “I promise.” 

This time it’s Dani’s hand that stretches out to grab her  _ finally _ . Her hand reaches and grabs at Jamie’s. Their fingers grip each other tightly. The promise is made physically as well with a squeeze. She knows she’s meant to leave now, she had said so, but she can’t move when Dani’s hand is in her own. Not yet. Perhaps not ever. 

“You’re wet.”

It shouldn’t make her smile, but she does. Because it’s  _ Dani _ and she’s finally spoken outside of the repetitions. Relief washes over her. “Blimey,” she teases and Dani huffs. She smiles again, because Dani laughed. And she’ll say anything to hear that again. Even if it’s small and just a huff. Even if it takes different styles of jokes, she’ll learn. She can adapt. 


	2. the road trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Anyways, this place has gotten rather exciting lately,” Jamie adds. “America sounds positively boring. Besides, what type of place is called Iowa?”
> 
> “A boring place,” Dani adds.
> 
> aka the time they decide where to go

“We can go to America,” Jamie suggests once they’ve both been, in the nicest way possible, fired. There was no you or I; we. She wasn’t going to leave Dani, not now, possibly not ever. “You can show me what all the fuss is about.”

“Really?” Dani doesn’t mean for it to come out cynical. She had meant to be hopeful, but instead it was as if the beast in the back of her mind had influenced her thoughts. 

“Well, I don’t have to come.”

“No, I want - I want you to come with,” Dani clarifies, but she knows Jamie is just teasing. But Dani needs to give her an out. A way to pass this point with her. She doesn’t know how many days she has left. Would she be dragged back to Bly manor? How long would it take before she’d look into a reflection and not see her anymore. “I just, you don’t have to if you don’t want. I don’t know how long or if or...”

“I’m the one who offered the company, Poppins. I think that means I want to.” Dani believes her. She believes her, but there’s still the ache in the back of her head, the monster that is lingering. 

It’s waiting. She doesn’t know when it will pounce, but she knows it will. She can feel it in her bones. The monster will come and swallow her whole. Why should Jamie have to deal with that type of burden? 

“Anyways, this place has gotten rather exciting lately,” Jamie adds. “America sounds positively boring. Besides, what type of place is called Iowa?”

“A boring place,” Dani adds. She wouldn’t go back there to stay. She didn’t want to stay there. But her car was there. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it’d be enough. “We won’t stay there for long.” 

Memories would linger anywhere she went while she was there. 

And a part of her was afraid. What if Eddie showed back up? She hadn’t seen him since that night with Jamie, but what if he reappeared? His ghost could come back to haunt her along with  _ her _ , her personal monster. 

Or what if his mother appeared? She couldn’t handle that. She had run away for a reason. A reason that was still lingering in the back of her mind. She had always been so kind and nice to Dani, more of a mother than her own. And somehow she had gotten to keep her, even though she had left Eddie, because nobody knew. Nobody knew that Dani had broken up with him the moments before his death. She wasn’t ready to relive the moments that had happened there. She wasn’t sure she could even handle going back into her house with all the memories of him still there.

No, she wouldn’t spend her last bit of time falling back into that place and that sadness. Not when Jamie was beside her. 

* * *

“It’s small, but it’s mine.” Jamie had explained once she had unlocked the door. 

The flat is small, but it is undeniably Jamie’s. The plants clutter the space, but it doesn’t feel suffocating like she would have thought. Nothing about Jamie felt that way, so why should her apartment. It’s nice. Maybe a little darker than what she’s used to. But Jamie’s confidence and movement powers Dani through the door.

They ended up in Jamie’s bed, Chinese food cartons abandoned half-empty on the side table and floor. A map laid out in front of them. And Jamie had been so confused, it was endearing. For Dani, the map of the states seemed natural, but Jamie had practically had an aneurism trying to find out where Iowa was on the map. “It’s too fucking big,” she complained as she opened the map at first. And then when Dani had finally showed her on the map, “that’s in the fucking middle of the place.” 

“I don’t want to be back there long,” she admits. Even though she’s told Jamie the minimum of her life there with Eddie, there were more things that she hadn’t told her. “I can’t be there long.”

“Okay, then we just grab your car and run. You know you’re the bad influence on me. I’m the poster child of reform and now I’m on the run.” 

And Dani laughs. A real laugh and smile. 

“Well, Mikey always wanted to see New York. Maybe we can head that way.”

“I’ve always wanted to see it.” 

“Well then, it’s settled. New York first.” And she drew on the map a large circle around the place on the map where Dani pointed. “That’s as good of a starting place as any, I guess. Where’s next?”

No, Dani can’t think past that. “I think one place is fine to start.” 

“Alright, we start there and see where it takes us.”

Dani was grateful for Jamie’s easy response. She couldn’t handle explaining it more tonight. She was tired, she hadn’t slept well in the last few nights at Bly, her mind was consumed with the lady in the lake. If she stayed asleep, would she be dragged back down to the lake? It may suffocate her and Dani wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to be taken by her beast. 

But now in Jamie’s flat, she felt safe. Off the grounds of the manor there was a bit of a relief. The ache in the back of her head had lifted enough that for a few moments, she’d forget about her beast lingering in the jungle. 

* * *

“I have seen you in your pajama before, Poppins.” 

Dani shouldn’t be nervous. And she’s not  _ that  _ kind of nervous. It’s a good type of nerves, ones that come from a little bit of excitement with a tinge of fear of not knowing. And she was in her pajamas in Jamie’s apartment. Not in her room at Bly. Not after a traumatic experience. But now, when they had been talking about going to America and Jamie had tried her best to make her laugh. And the laughs had come easy, because she wanted to hear what Jamie had to say. With Eddie, her laughs hadn’t been completely true, because she hadn’t been completely true. But with Jamie that was true. And Dani was true. And Jamie was true. So the laughs and smiles felt different. Like she was truly being herself, her authentic self. 

“It’s cute,” Jamie smiles once Dani has gained the courage to come out of the bathroom. 

Jamie had changed while she was gone. Her hair was still tied back, the bandana still in her hair. It didn’t match with her pajamas, but it was so utterly endearing that Dani couldn’t help but smile at her. “You’re cute. The bandana suits you.”

“Cheeky,” Jamie says, but she’s blushing and Dani’s heart thumps loud in her chest. “You were off hogging the bathroom and I’ve got it pinned into my hair, I need the mirror.”

“I could help.”

She offers and she wants. Jamie had taken care of her, and there's this soft pull that draws out the offer from her. And Jamie smiles at her, just a small half smile and she takes that as a cue that she can move towards her. “Sit.”

And Jamie sits. Sits on the bed, facing only halfly away from her. Then Dani gets to work. Her hands may shake, but it’s hopefully small enough that Jamie doesn’t feel it vibrating into her hair. Because she’s touching Jamie’s hair and it makes her nervous. A giddy nervous and she can’t help taking her time finding the bobby pins. They hide in Jamie’s dark curls. The only light glows in from the bathroom and a light in the hallway. 

Her hair is soft, different from her own. And she realizes that she hasn’t touched someone like this in a long time. There had been that night,  _ that _ night together, but this was different. Jamie had touched her like she was something precious and Dani felt the same as she eased the last of the bobby pins out of Jamie’s hair before pulling the bandana off her head. 

She remembers how Jamie had taken her hair down after the lake when she had helped Dani into bed. The small act of kindness, something that Jamie had just known to do. She takes the fingertips. cue and lets Jamie’s own hair out of the ponytail that holds it up. “There,” she says after letting her fingers linger pulling the strands down, until Jamie’s hair lays against her neck and Dani can feel skin against her fingertips. And maybe Dani should move away, but Jamie’s skin is so soft and her hair curls around her fingers. Jamie doesn’t seem to mind. This peace comes when Jamie’s hand reaches up to grab at Dani’s wrist. A thumb runs along her wrist and she shivers. Feeling lingers as Jamie turns and tugs Dani down towards her for a kiss. It’s soft, the feel of mouths pressed together. And then there’s another kiss and Dani’s body moves of its own accord, sinking down with her knees on both sides of Jamie’s thighs. 

Their kisses feel like they had when Jamie had brought her to see the moonflower. Something still new and exciting. Dani’s tired and Jamie’s mouth is inviting and Jamie’s hands are pressed heavy against her back, supporting her. Kisses taste the same, but there isn’t the rush behind their movements. It’s slow and heavy and oh so  _ nice _ . 

Dani thinks she could stay like this for the rest of eternity. Safe pressed against Jamie’s body, with her strong hands spread against her back. With one of Dani’s own hands pressed against the top of Jamie’s chest and the other intertwined in Jamie’s hair, feeling the skin of her neck. 

Kisses that didn’t feel so heavy, but the desperation was behind it. After all they had talked about, all they had been through, feeling Jamie’s tongue against her own made Dani want to cry. Because she had been missing  _ this _ feeling for her entire life. 

In this moment, she forgot all about the beast in the jungle; all about any anxiety or fears. It was just her and Jamie. The two of them with nothing in the world between them. 

And even as Dani grinds down onto Jamie’s lap, Jamie’s hands had just slipped underneath. Just a pull to be closer to her. It was a new feeling for Dani. The amount of want that didn’t fit into a certain category. Just her body and mind  _ wanting _ . 

She wanted to feel this close to Jamie forever. Her mind fuzzy in the best way possible. Like something she had never experienced before. Forever in this daze of something that was beginning to feel like love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> our lord and savior victoria says dani was from iowa and that's canon for me. also, i may do a part two to this if there's any interest or it picks at my mind for longer. <3
> 
> Comments make my entire day :)


	3. want your body (need your body)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe she should take her time more, but there’s this intense need to push her hands down Jamie’s body until she finds her fingers against her shorts. She pulls away just enough so that she can see Jamie’s beautiful face. And her eyes should stay locked on Jamie’s but they are pulled down to Jamie’s lips. She wonders if her own lips look like that: pink and slightly swollen. She has to kiss her again, it’s just a fact at this point.
> 
> aka the time where they have sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just 1800 words of soft smut. if not your thing, next chapter will be more fluff!

Jamie’s hands are sturdy against her back and Dani wants to fall apart already. It has only taken fixing Jamie’s hair for Dani to feel the heat rise within herself. Neither seem to care when they are rocked against each other. 

It’s Jamie’s mouth that disconnects first, her lips back to Dani’s jaw where Dani arches at the connection. One of Jamie’s hands moves and pushes Dani’s hair off her neck, giving ample room for Jamie to make herself comfortable on the side of Dani’s neck. 

Dani feels like a teenager as she laughs and pulls Jamie closer to herself. A soft laugh accompanied by a smile as Jamie takes her time pressing kisses down her neck. And even as Dani straddles Jamie, it’s Jamie’s body that pushes into Dani’s wantonly. 

Jamie pulls on the back of Dani and they fall into the bed with a thump. Dani and Jamie laugh before Dani pushes Jamie’s hair back off her face. And there’s a lot she could say in the moment because Jamie looks so open and beautiful, but Dani can’t find the right words. So instead, she puts it all into a kiss. A kiss that sends hands wandering down from her back. 

This time, Dani doesn’t wait for Jamie’s hands guiding her places. She takes her own lead and presses a palm against Jamie’s breast through her sleep shirt. But this time Jamie doesn’t have a bra on and it’s oh so good. Jamie arches into her at the contact and Dani can’t help but smile into the kiss. Because this is right. She’s doing well and she wants Jamie to feel like she does. The same heat and passion and  _ ache _ that Dani feels when Jamie’s hands on her. 

Maybe she should take her time more, but there’s this intense need to push her hands down Jamie’s body until she finds her fingers against her shorts. She pulls away just enough so that she can see Jamie’s  _ beautiful _ face. And her eyes should stay locked on Jamie’s but they are pulled down to Jamie’s lips. She wonders if her own lips look like that: pink and slightly swollen. She has to kiss her again, it’s just a fact at this point. 

And she doesn’t feel like there’s time to pull Jamie’s shorts off, so she lets her hand slide underneath shorts and underwear until her fingers are sliding through Jamie. She’s slick and  _ perfect. _

Jamie moans so loudly and Dani wants to hear it again, right away. She knows her fingers are still awkward and a little unpolished, but Jamie doesn’t mind. She moans again and Dani just smiles into the kiss. Jamie is loud in the best possible way. 

She remembers what Jamie had said before, easy and slow.  _ One _ finger. So she does that. She takes her time, feeling Jamie’s folds with her hand stretching against Jamie’s underwear. 

It’s when she pushes her finger inside of Jamie that she arches against her back and Dani positively beams down, looking at Jamie’s face, her eyes closed and her mouth just slightly open. It seems like it’s almost seconds before Jamie is shaking against her, but she knows it's longer because her fingers are aching from the push and pull. The best possible ache, she’ll let her fingers break if it means more of this. Her thumb starts a steady push and the moments seem to push together because she doesn’t know how long it’s been before Jamie arches and trembles and comes undone. 

She doesn’t want to remove her fingers, possibly not ever, but she does pull away because she’s unsure if Jamie would just accept having Dani’s hand forever attached to her. She wouldn’t mind if the roles were reversed. 

Dani feels so proud and utterly aroused. This time it’s her who is grinding down against Jamie’s leg, absolutely drenched and throbbing. 

Jamie pulls her back down for a kiss. It’s a long kiss that has Dani trembling when it ends. “Wow,” is what she ends up saying with a smile on her face and Dani wants to make this happen again, possibly forever.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She wishes she was more confident, but to hear Jamie say that she was good builds her up and she’s even more proud than she was before. 

Jamie finally pushes Dani over after a few moments of them just smiling at each other. Jamie’s breath has finally caught back up to her and Dani’s breath has decreased as well. The throb between her legs has only grown feeling Jamie pressed against her again. 

This time it’s Jamie’s turn to let her hands explore. It’s Jamie’s hand that pulls up her nightgown and teases Dani from the outside of her underwear. And if it were anyone else, she’d be embarrassed by her arousal. But it’s Jamie and nothing about Jamie makes her embarrassed. 

It is a different sensation feeling Jamie’s fingers stroking her from the outside of her underwear and she wants more. But Jamie’s hand moves and Dani can’t help but let out a small disappointing sigh. 

“Just wait, Poppins. I promise you’ll like it.” 

Cheeky Jamie smiles before she starts moving down the bed. Dani throbs because she thinks this may be going somewhere that she hasn’t experienced yet.

“I still have my PJs on.” 

An odd thought to say aloud perhaps, but there’s something about doing this with her pajamas still on that feels odd. Even though she had just fucked Jamie through her clothes, it felt different when it was her. It wasn’t the explorative first night they had spent together. This feels new and oh so nice. Her body must be on fire because she can feel Jamie’s cool hands through her clothes. And because Jamie is moving down the bed Dani doesn’t have the time to question it any further. Her nightgown is already pushed up to the top of her thighs and Jamie takes her time pressing kisses to Dani’s body as she moves further down the bed. 

Jamie’s fingers send shivers down her spine when they make contact against her waist where her underwear starts. There’s the question in the air as Jamie looks up at her. Looks up with pupils blown out and this undeniable want. Dani doesn’t know if she can speak, but she lifts her hips and Jamie pulls her underwear down her legs. 

This time when Jamie kisses against her ankle and then her leg, Dani doesn’t pull Jamie up and away. No, she throbs as Jamie’s mouth gets closer and closer to her center. 

“You i’ght?” she asks, pressing her nose against Dani’s upper thigh. Dani nods quickly, perhaps a little too quickly because she finds her vision even in the dark is blurred. And Jamie takes the consent and spreads Dani’s legs open. And Dani finds herself pulling her thighs back together almost on instinct. “It’s okay if you aren’t,” Jamie reassures, moving herself back so she’s resting near Dani’s knees. “Honest.”

And Jamie gives her another out-- another way to say no. Jamie would accept it too. She wouldn’t push Dani towards something she wasn’t comfortable with. Dani didn’t feel like she’d be letting Jamie if she did say no, but she didn’t want to say no. She wants this,  _ badly _ . She’s just nervous. They’ve slept together before, but this was more intimate to Dani. She had never laid herself bare to anyone before. She had never  _ wanted _ like she did now. Her friends had talked about this thing before with their boyfriends and Dani could never stomach the thought of letting any guy down  _ there _ . But she wants Jamie and she wants whatever Jamie is going to do to her. “Slowly,” she finally hears herself saying. 

“We’ve got the time,” Jamie smiles back at her, the crooked smile with one side of her mouth. Her fingers are gentle against her thighs when they are spread apart again. Dani breaths through the nerves and closes her eyes tightly. 

Jamie’s fingers against her are what she feels first and her hips buck so slightly into the touch. Jamie’s fingers are gentle as they tease over her wet folds. And Dani knows she’s been wet since she’s brought Jamie to an orgasm. She didn’t know if there was anything hotter than that, knowing she was able to do that. Then Jamie’s fingers are against her clit and her nerves evaporate into the air. 

And maybe Jamie has taken the slow thing too much to heart because Dani finds herself pushing against the feather touches. And there's Jamie’s hand splayed against her thigh and Dani doesn’t think there is any better feeling than this. 

Then there is. Because Jamie’s tongue is against her and “ _ oh _ ”. 

Her hands grasp at the duvet around her because she’s afraid she’s going to fly off the bed if she doesn’t. And sweet Jamie, just chuckles and it ripples against her flesh in the best possible way. Her thighs push together again, not to keep her out, but to keep her close. 

If she’s honest with herself, she doesn’t remember much after that. She knows that Jamie’s mouth is on her and the rest of the world fades away. No thoughts of the lady in the lake or anything trivial. How can they be room for those thoughts when Jamie’s  _ mouth _ is on her and her tongue is slipping through her folds. 

Jamie’s free hand reaches up to palm at her covered breasts, her thumb expertly finding the nipple. But Dani’s hand grabs it quickly. Because she  _ needs _ . Needs the contact between the two of them, even more so than what is happening. There’s something comforting with having Jamie’s fingers linked through her own as Jamie’s tongue is pushing inside of her. 

Her body feels on fire even more so than before, even the tips of her ears feel like they could burn off. It’s the feeling of having a sunburn before it actually hurts. When you’re hot and your skin feels tight. 

It’s her time to moan out into the air. But now there aren’t kids down the hallway and she finds herself louder than she ever expected herself to be. And her noises press Jamie closer into her. She can feel Jamie breathe against her hot, wet folds and it’s so  _ delicious _ . 

Her back arches off the bed as Jamie’s tongue presses against her clit. If she was a mess the last time (their  _ first _ time), she doesn’t know how to describe herself now. It takes only a few more tongue swipes and feeling Jamie’s tongue  _ suck _ for her to have probably the best orgasm in the entire history of the world, well at least according to  _ her _ . 

She’s practically mewing as Jamie continues with a few more kisses against her center as she sinks back into the bed, hand still clutched with Jamie’s. When Jamie moves, her core still throbs in a strange want. 

It doesn’t matter that Jamie’s mouth had just been pressed between her legs, as soon as she’s made her way back up, Dani tugs her into a kiss. A kiss that is too much tongue and teeth because Dani can’t stop  _ smiling _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't help myself. next chapter is during the road trip. everyone's comments make my day <3 thanks for all the support!
> 
> Also, I’m debating having a scene with Dani and her mother / eddies family when they’re in Iowa but not too sure. Any thoughts?


	4. the one at thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safe. 
> 
> It was exactly what she felt around Jamie. There was no fear of the dark and things that may lurk in the shadows, waiting to grab her. 
> 
> aka the time they became girlfriends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this work goes off my latest one-shot of them :)

It’s November by the time they get up to New York and the cold seeps into their bones. Dani’s ridiculously prepared for the cold, but Jamie hadn’t brought  _ all  _ her clothes like Dani had. In the end, Jamie ends up wearing some of Dani’s sweaters over her clothes. Dani thought Jamie may feign irritability, but she just looks and shyly smiles at her whenever Dani makes a comment on it.

Dani ends up being the passenger more often than Jamie. About a fourth of the time ends with her asleep against the window. Jamie never seems to mind. Dani’s woke up more than once embarrassed, because she remembers they were having a conversation before she drifted off to sleep. 

So she apologizes. And Jamie waves her off with a joke that makes her laugh and wake up completely. 

It’s just that when Jamie’s awake, it seems so easy to fall asleep, more so than when they’re in bed at night. It had been something she had done as a little kid when both her parents would take her on road trips. She would fall asleep to having her father drive them around because it felt safe. 

_ Safe _ . 

It was exactly what she felt around Jamie. There was no fear of the dark and things that may lurk in the shadows, waiting to grab her. 

She wasn’t constantly on edge when it was light outside. Her fears came during the dark when all she could think of was what happened in the lake. It was all encompassing terror, even Jamie’s touches could only push away the fear for a while. It was lingering in the back of mind. 

Paranoia fills her life in the moments that usually would have peace. 

She felt like she was just constantly dragging around this monster, hooked around her ankle like a weight. 

And Jamie never pushed her too far and always believed her. She knew that it may sound crazy, but she knew in her heart that one day the lady was coming. She was coming to get her and she could do nothing about it. 

So yes, she does fall asleep often when Jamie is driving. But it's only because she feels safe. She feels safe to sleep without the monster holding her down. 

* * *

Each hotel gives them two beds. One gets converted into a makeshift closet and places to store their belongings, the other bed belongs to both of them. It’s been a few weeks now and they haven’t slept apart. Dani only remembers the bed being cold before Jamie. Jamie brings so much heat and happiness that Dani never wants to sleep alone again.

Some nights they go out for dinner or a drink, but on her favorite nights, they come back to the hotel room with some junk food and spend the evening watching something on the television or talking. There’s so much to talk about, so much to learn about each other.

They spend their days wandering around small towns after one day in New York City, which is too much for both of their tastes. 

So they wander. And wander. 

Dani learns that Jamie loves to hike, because unlike the UK, there’s so many places to go exploring. Each stop on the map brings them new adventures and new plants for Jamie to look at and touch and experience. 

Jamie learns that Dani likes to hike as well, but only for a few hours at a time. They find their stride and end up finding hidden spots on the map. There’s no time limit on this. 

It’s one day at a time, afterall.

* * *

They end up going out to a diner for Thanksgiving. Jamie knows really nothing of the holiday, but she tries. They order the meal to go since the paranoia is a little louder that day. 

It is the first Thanksgiving that she’s had away from her hometown. Her mother never made dinner, but Judy and O’Maras had always invited her. So she had been a part of their family for the holidays since she was young. 

So Dani calls them once they’re back at the motel and Jamie is readying the food containers. Judy picks up and she sounds so happy that Dani has called. “Oh, honey.” The words send a warm feeling flooding back through Dani, because it’s of a mother’s affection, something she craves even all these years later. 

She tries not to think about Jamie’s non-existent relationship with her mother or any other family figure. Because her heart breaks for Jamie when she does think about it. Jamie deserves to have a family like she had with the O’Maras. 

“How is your road trip?” she asks first and Dani shares what they’ve done and where they’ve been. It’s been a few weeks since they’ve left her house, but there are so many things she wants to tell Judy. 

“And how is your girlfriend doing? Adjusting to the states alright?” Judy asks. 

It comes out so easy and warming. It is enough to bring Dani to tears, because Judy remembers. Because Judy remembers and cares. Blush because she calls Jamie her  _ girlfriend _ . It isn’t something she’s even called Jamie yet. Excitement fills her as she tries to stay cool on the phone. 

Eventually, Judy asks to say hi to Jamie. 

Dani knows that this is a little weird for Jamie, but she grabs the phone to say hello. It’s a short conversation before the phone is back in Dani’s hand and she’s promising that she’ll call at Christmas. 

* * *

It’s a strange holiday for Jamie. Dani is almost as interested in watching her try the new food as she is in eating it herself.

Stuffing is a no for Jamie, which Dani thinks is ridiculous. “I’ll have you know stuffing is a very important part to the entire dinner.”

“Don’t you put it in the bum of the turkey? That’s a serious no, Poppins.”

Dani huffs because it’s obviously not  _ only _ stuck in the turkey. It’s a dish that can be served itself for all the holidays in her own opinion. “That’s ridiculous. Honestly, I can’t have my girlfriend thinking stuffing doesn’t belong.”

She doesn’t realize she’s said  _ girlfriend _ until Jamie doesn’t respond. Her hand has stopped midair with some turkey and cranberry sauce on it.

“Girlfriend, eh?” Jamie asks as she sets her fork back down. 

And Dani flusters. “No, I mean.  _ Yeah _ , but um, if you want to, if you want.”

Jamie just smiles and Dani blushes harder, sure her chest is now red. “I think girlfriend sounds good.” And maybe it’s just the dim motel lights, but Dani can swear she could see tears in Jamie’s eyes. 

Dani smiles, smiles so brightly because  _ girlfriend _ . Jamie was her  _ girlfriend _ . And that seemed like a big fucking deal. “Okay, girlfriend then.” 

She abandons her food after that because Jamie has grabbed her free hand and pulled her into a kiss that Dani smiles into. “So no more stuffing nonsense?” Dani questions once she’s kissed Jamie properly, the thought of eating anymore food doesn’t seem important. Instead, she finds herself staring down to Jamie’s lips, wanting to get lost back against Jamie’s mouth.

“You know what, Poppins? I’ll give my stuffing to you from now on.”

* * *

“I just, I wish you’d have someone for the holidays. You deserve to have someone for the holidays.” 

Jamie looks at her and Dani can’t immediately think of what emotion they are portraying. She hasn’t learned all of her looks yet, but she wants to. She wishes so badly to be able to look at Jamie and know what was happening in that beautiful mind of hers. 

“I don’t think this really counts as a holiday, Poppins,” Jamie laughs, motioning to the empty takeout carriers that they’ve pushed off the bed to the floor. An annoying habit that Jamie had and Dani had simply learned to deal with. 

“You know what I mean.”

“Well, turns out, I do have someone to spend the holidays with.”

“Oh?”

And Jamie pulls her hand and pulls her back down onto the bed. Maybe it should take Dani less time to figure out that Jamie is talking about  _ her _ . But it doesn’t. It takes getting pulled into a kiss to make her realize that Jamie had meant  _ her _ . 

Dani blushes at the thought and her heart fills with something she’s beginning to associate with love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the comments and love on this work. reading the comments really makes my day. lemme know if there is some conversation you'd like to see them have.
> 
> also, i'm working on another oneshot based on this verse, so look out


	5. the bad day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want you to be alone,” Dani admitted softly in such a small voice, that Jamie wanted to rock against her to just feel her further in her bones.
> 
> aka a bad day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is why i wrote these snippets. this has been in my draft box for a while now.

The thing about owning your own shop was knowing where everything was and when everything happened. There would always be customers that came out of the blue, but the timing was pretty regular. Jamie knew when there would be people and when there wasn’t. 

So on a day when Dani had stayed in bed after seeing a shadow in the window that had scared her, Jamie just waited at the shop. Just waited for someone to come in. 

And like any other day, someone did. 

He was a pretty-sort of fella. Someone that Jamie knew the girls swooned over. But his face was grim and Jamie felt empathy for him almost as soon as he walked in her door. 

She did what she did best, helping him find the exact flowers and flower arrangement to send to his grandmother. 

And like her customers often did, he shared his story. 

The story of his grandparents who had met during the world war and had been next to each other’s side for the last 40 years. Never slept a night apart, never really did anything apart. 

Then he died. And his grandson didn’t know what to say to her or what to do. But his granddad always got flowers, so that’s why he ended up in her shop on that day. 

On the day when Jamie was missing Dani being there with her and had been reminded of the incoming loss. 

So, on this day, Jamie had to close the shop early. 

* * *

“I’m going for a drive.” 

It was a quiet moment and the words rang out perhaps a little too rough.

“Where?” Dani questioned.

Jamie’s hand pressed against her forehead in a quick swipe against non-existent sweat. She didn’t respond to the question, because she really didn’t know where she was going to go. All she knew is she needed a moment. A moment away from the flower shop, a moment away from the optimism she tried so hard to keep alive.

“I could go with you,” Dani offered. She looked so beautiful in the moment, a book scrawled across her lap that Jamie seriously reconsidered leaving. But she couldn’t stay, not when she was feeling like this. 

“No. It’s nothing much, just have to grab something.” 

Dani didn’t seem satisfied with that answer. But Jamie wasn’t lying, she’d always bring something home, but it wasn’t the errand that was sending her away. Not this time at least. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Dani added, closing the book and Jamie took a step towards the couch, almost to push Dani back down.

“No, Dani,” she pleaded. She just needed the moments alone. She knew that she wasn’t coming across the way she wanted to, but she couldn’t think clearly. “Please.” Jamie doesn’t beg, not often. Never around anyone else. “I promise I’ll be right back,” she added, reaching out her hand as an offering of peace. 

“Okay,” Dani said after reaching her hand out to grab Jamie’s. A small squeeze is sent down her palm. “But come back soon.”

Jamie nodded, she wouldn’t be too long. 

* * *

The drive took a bit longer than she expected. When she had come here with Dani, it seemed like such a short drive from their apartment. Alone, it feels different. The quiet is deafening. She doesn’t put on the radio, just drives staring straight ahead. 

The time is worth it, when she sees no one else in the parking lot. She gets out of the car and makes her way to the trailhead. It’s only a quarter mile hike into the trees to the waterfall. One of her, no  _ their  _ favorite places. It almost felt like cheating being here without Dani. 

Best part about the waterfalls was that you could travel behind them and nobody could hear you. That’s what Jamie needed. All she could hear when she walked behind the falls was the thundering splashes of water. And that’s when she screamed. 

It had been building in her system. The drive to the woods, the days before, just a pressure against her chest that needed to be released like a valve. A good scream, it’s what she needed. 

Because with Dani, near Dani, she didn’t let herself feel this. She would  _ never _ . Dani didn’t deserve to see this side of her-- this selfish, angry side that only came up a few times. 

“Don’t I get to be angry?” she yelled at nobody, at nothing in front of her. She wishes someone could answer her, but there's nobody to give the cure, nobody to fix what was happening. These should be some of the happiest times of her life, but the ache of knowing that something bad was coming lingered in the back of her mind. Someplace that she didn’t allow Dani to see. No, when she was with Dani, she  _ believed _ that there would be more time.

One day at a time just sometimes didn’t seem good enough. 

“Selfish for once in my bloody life?” she asks again, the waterfall has left her hair damp and she excuses her tears as simply water spurting back at her. “Just once.” 

There she goes begging again, but that’s the truth isn’t it? Jamie would beg on her hands and knees if it let her keep her love next to her. She would take anything if it gave her more time with her. And here she was wasting away the precious moments, because of her built up feelings. 

How can you grieve something you haven’t lost yet? It doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t make sense. Nobody should have to deal with this kind of suffering. Jamie didn’t want it. 

* * *

It’s not until later that evening that Dani broached the subject again. “Are you ready to share?” she asked before climbing into bed. The entire evening had gone by in this strange silence. Jamie had brought home some groceries that they didn’t need and went right to a shower. Dani was left in an unbalanced silence that Jamie cursed herself for creating. This wasn’t  _ her _ . 

“I’m just being selfish,” she whispered ashamed, not facing the woman she loved dearly. She already had so much. She had already had so much time with Dani and here she was expecting the worst. 

“Has it become too much? Are you going…” Dani doesn’t finish her thought as Jamie practically leaped across the bed to grab at Dani’s hand. 

“No,  _ never _ .” She promised like her life depended on it ( _ and it somewhat did _ ). She was not leaving. Ever. No matter how much or how little time they got, there was never the question if she would leave.  _ Never _ . So she did what she did best and tried to relieve a bit of the tension in the room. “You aren’t getting rid of me, Poppins.” 

Dani’s face didn’t change, just still staring at her and it made Jamie wish that even the small light on their side table was off. Because she felt embarrassed and shameful and didn’t want Dani to see her like this. 

“Talk to me then.  _ Please _ .”

And she can’t handle Dani begging, no never.

“I don’t think I can do this without you.”

“Jamie,” Dani said and Jamie shook. Because she had tried to hide this, but how could she when Dani begged. 

“No, really. When I think about losing--” her breath stopped her from continuing that thought, that dreadful, heavy thought. “I can’t.” 

And this is why she had gone away, so she wouldn’t put this thought into existence with Dani. Dani shouldn’t worry about  _ her _ . “ _ Jamie _ ,” Dani said again in that sad tone that made her ache from the inside out. And she needed the comfort that only being in Dani’s grasp gave, so she found herself climbing onto Dani’s lap, wrapping herself in Dani’s opening arms.

Dani’s hands were soft but firm against her back and it made Jamie shake. She wasn’t sure how long they spent just sitting in the dimly lit bedroom. She thought it'd been long enough, because her breath had returned to normal and she wanted to sleep off this anxiety. Wanted to spend the night spooned by Dani.

Dani was the one who spoke again first.

“You’re going to keep living.” And she said it very matter of fact, like she had thought about it before. And Jamie doesn’t know if that helps the wound or makes it worse. Because Dani had thought about what would happen when she was gone and that wasn’t acceptable to Jamie. “Maybe find someone--”

“Don’t even say that shit,” Jamie whispered fiercely, pulling back from the embrace, just enough to see Dani’s face. She wouldn’t even let Dani say such a thing. “Don’t ever say that.”

A moment passed and Jamie hoped that Dani understood that. She won’t find someone else. Never. There would never be another person in her life. There would never be anyone who can sleep in the bed next to her.  _ God _ , she didn’t even want to think about that. 

“I don’t want you to be alone,” Dani admitted softly in such a small voice, that Jamie wanted to rock against her to just feel her further in her bones.

And she just sobbed, softly into Dani’s neck. She had been trying to be strong for so long. She could be strong. She could do that, but just not today. Not with Dani’s hands running up and down her back. She couldn’t be strong now. She wondered how long it would take to not remember how Dani’s hands felt against her. It only made her cry more. She never wanted to forget that feeling. 

“Dead doesn’t mean gone.” 

Jamie remembered. She remembered the moments with Flora and Miles and Hanna and Owen sitting in the kitchen. Flora with her wisdom beyond her years, talking to Owen like she could explain the world. Jamie didn’t know if losing anyone else in the world would have created this heartbreak she felt inside her chest sometimes. No one had a spot in her heart like Dani. No, not a spot. Her entire heart. A heart that she had willingly handed over to Dani. A heart that she didn’t know could survive without Dani. 

“I know it’s hard.” 

And Jamie remembered why she didn’t want to talk to Dani about this. Because Dani was too good. She would apologize for the monster stalking her. She would apologize and feel bad about it. 

But it was hard. 

“Worth it,” Jamie responded, finally finding a word that made sense. “Completely worth it.”

Just like a moonflower. Worth the effort put in. 

Completely.

* * *

For all she cried, Jamie felt more awake after being tucked in against Dani. 

“I love you,” she whispered her allegiance. 

“I love you too,” Dani replied and Jamie smiled. A small smile, but enough to feel like the heaviness had lifted off her chest, just a little, just enough to feel like she could breath. 

And on that night, a kiss meant something. 

A kiss meant a promise, a surrender, a knowing. 

Jamie kissed Dani completely, feeling the warmth of Dani’s hands on her back grounding her to this moment. 

It’s been over two years, but still Dani’s hands on her felt like it was the first time she had been touched. 

She would bare herself to Dani-- heart and all. 

Her kisses end up becoming a grind against Dani’s lap, needing the connection between the two of them. Because even through her shitty day, the feeling of Dani’s hands and lips on her had her aching for more. 

She would be greedy in this moment as well. Greedy enough to suck against Dani’s neck and bite down on her ear. And Dani moaned and Jamie knew what buttons to press. She knew where to make Dani’s toes curl. 

_ More _ . 

It was what she craved after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make my day and i appreciate them. thank you!
> 
> also, just to see, i'm thinking of a christmas fic. would there be interest? i may have to just write it either way


	6. the sick day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nah, Poppins. You’re hot.”
> 
> “You’re hot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short because i needed some fluff tonight.

“You can’t come to work today.”

“No, I’m fine-- I’m fine,” Dani tried to argue, but the fact that she had coughed half way through didn’t make the argument any stronger. 

Jamie took a moment and pressed the back of her hand to Dani’s head. Dani leaned into the feeling of Jamie’s cold hand on her forehead. She knew that she was warm, but to feel Jamie’s cool hand made her ache for more contact between the two of them. Because she was so warm and maybe a bit sweaty that it was a nice sensation. “Nah, Poppins. You’re hot.”

“ _ You’re _ hot.” Dani replied back hoping to make Jamie laugh, but it didn’t have the effect she desired it to have. 

She didn’t do well being sick. Well, nobody being sick did it  _ well _ , just Dani didn’t like the idea of being alone all day. She knew that Jamie would just be a floor underneath her, but she didn’t want that. She wanted Jamie in bed with her. When she was a kid, her mother was never home for her being sick. Other than letting her stay at home, she was more or less left to take care of herself. It had been Judy who had started watching over her when she got sick as a teen. Through college, it was Judy she’d call when she didn’t feel well. 

“I’ll get you some meds and be right back.”

Dani could have sworn it was an hour before Jamie was back with medicine in hand. By the time she was back, Dani had just coughed up an entire lung. “Geez, Poppins, you’re worse off than I thought.” 

And she was probably right. Dani knew that if Jamie was doing the things she was, Dani would have her quarantined off into bed and not allow her out. Yet, Dani couldn’t possibly think of a reason  _ she _ needed to stay in bed if Jamie would be off at work. 

She took the meds without complaining, only managing to cough a few more times miserably into her elbow.

It was only when Jamie turned away from the bed that Dani reached out to grab her arm. The grab was light, possible for Jamie to walk through it if she wanted. 

“I’ll just be downstairs.”

Dani didn’t quite know what she was searching for, but she knew that Jamie being downstairs working didn’t make her feel any better. 

“If I hear of you being out of bed, I’ll be very cross and there will be serious consequences.”

Dani laughed just enough to feel the urge to cough arise back in her chest. 

* * *

It took only a half hour for Jamie to determine that she’d rather be upstairs looking after Dani than sitting in the shop. Sure, they may lose a bit of business for the day, but it didn’t really matter in the long run. Dani was the most important thing. 

So, Jamie closed up shop. She made sure everything was in order for the next day and all the flowers were taken care of before swinging the sign back to closed. She locked up before heading back upstairs to their apartment. 

“Excuse me,” she said as she walked into the apartment to find a red nosed and flushed Dani. She hadn’t known that she could adore Dani anymore, but walking back into their apartment to see Dani snuggled into the couch in  _ her _ sweater made her heart do all sorts of things. “I thought I said stay in bed.”

“Why are you back?” Dani asked, her nose scrunched up. 

Jamie shrugged in response as she slipped off her shoes and went to the couch. “Seems like being up here is properly boring.”

Dani laughed softly, followed by a hack of a cough and Jamie moved to sit next to her on the couch and rub at her back. “You’ll get sick,” Dani’s voice was small and cracked in the middle of the words. 

Before, there wasn’t a chance that Jamie would take care of anyone while they were gross sick. But with Dani, Jamie would get sick a thousand times to take care of her. 

Being around sick people had reminded her of the times she was sick during foster care. There was one time where Jamie had thought she was going to die. She had been banished to the foster kids’ room where she had been throwing up almost constantly. It took her almost a week to feel well enough to go back to school. Nobody had been there to comfort her. She had ached for someone to rub her back as she cried and vomited. She didn’t want Dani to have to go through this alone.

She wanted to make a joke, but didn’t want to hear Dani cough again because of it. So instead, she wrapped her arm around Dani’s back and helped her back to standing up. “Back to bed,” she settled on saying instead. 

Dani may not have needed the support, but Jamie was there to give it to her. She helped Dani back into the bed before pulling the covers up over her. “Are you hungry?” She asked as she tucked a piece of hair back from Dani’s sweaty forehead. 

“No,” Dani said in such a soft voice that Jamie’s heart ached.

“TV on or off?” The few times Dani had stayed in bed had always meant movie days. 

“On, please.” 

Jamie walked around the room getting everything sorted. The TV’s volume was soft, but Dani didn’t seem to notice. Her eyes were a bit glassy and her cough was slowing down. The last thing she did was tug down at her pants, pulling them off and kicking them away with her foot. “Move over,” Jamie commanded, as she crawled back into bed. 

“ _ Jamie _ , you’ll get sick.”

“Oh, just hush and come here.” It didn’t take much more argument for Dani to shift in the bed so that she was pressed against Jamie’s side. 

“I don’t feel good,” Dani said and Jamie’s heart broke because Dani sounded so sad and hurt. “I don’t feel good.” And Jamie knew the feeling of being sick and just wanting someone there to take care of you. 

Jamie’s hand rubbed circles on Dani’s back. Dani was still hot to the touch, but Dani was almost shivering next to her. “Shh,” Jamie hushed, putting her other hand against Dani’s forehead. It was still warm, so she brushed back any lingering hair behind Dani’s ears. 

And hearing Dani cry softly absolutely wrecked her. “It’s okay, love,” Jamie whispered, whipping at some tears that had fallen from her eyes. The cries were enough that made Jamie wish it was her that was sick instead of Dani. Because Dani didn’t deserve being sick and  _ crying _ . It hurt Jamie to the core to hear her like this. It was a horrible few minutes before Dani’s sniffling had gone down and Jamie felt Dani go back to breathing more normally next to her. 

“There we are,” Jamie breathed after the worst of it seemed to be over. “Just rest now.”

She tried to move slowly getting adjusted into sitting up in bed with Dani pressed along her side. Dani’s head was laid against her stomach. 

The coughing had gone down with the help of the medicine and being back in bed. Jamie liked to think her being there with Dani had helped too. At the least of her insistence of Dani getting back into bed. A heavy breath would happen with some rattling in the air and Jamie would just hush and rub circles down Dani’s back. 

Her own eyes started to haze over after so long of rubbing Dani’s back and half watching whatever was on the television in front of her. She’d stay awake, just to make sure Dani wasn’t coughing and was what seemed like being asleep. 

So, she just relaxed against the bed and moved her hand up and down Dani’s back. She thought she might be able to feel some of the fever leaving Dani’s skin. 

“Thank you,” Dani said after Jamie was sure she was already asleep. “For staying.” She clarified, but she hadn’t needed to. 

“Anytime, Poppins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm working on the christmas fic! :) the comments mean the world to me. Lemme know if you wanna see any prompts or something. Hit me up on tumblr @hopecannotbefalse


	7. the sick day (part two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jamie shared, she poured her heart out and Dani was blessed to be the person who she shared it with. 
> 
> “I want to share everything with you. The good, the bad, it all. As long as it’s me and you, Poppins. I’m in.”
> 
> aka jamie gets sick

It turned out that Jamie had gotten sick. It took about a week after Dani had initially felt sick for the same dread to catch up to Jamie. Dani was afraid she may have missed it at first if she hadn’t noticed that Jamie didn’t make tea in the morning. Tea was always something left up to Jamie. 

Dani hadn’t attempted to make her tea again. Well, until today. 

Jamie hid not feeling well so well that Dani felt guilty for not noticing the signs before. The red eyes and slight cough that she attributed to allergies. Jamie didn’t have  _ allergies _ . Maybe she could blame her brain fog from still being kind of sick herself. 

“You’re sick.”

“Am not,” Jamie argued and Dani only rolled her eyes, just like Jamie had done nearly a week ago. 

But Jamie didn’t give in as easily as she had. It took nearly Dani forcing her back into bed for her to even admit that she didn’t feel well. The admission was said with such little care, like there wasn’t a need to take a break. 

“The Baileys are coming to--” cough, followed by another cough, one that made Dani even shake with the force. “They’re coming to pick out flowers for their daughter’s wedding today.” 

Well. That arose a little bit of a problem. Dani’s idea of closing shop for the day to spend time with Jamie wasn’t possible. For her, it had just been a regular day with no appointments. 

“Well, you can’t go down to the shop, that’s for sure.”

Jamie seemed to be itching to get back up, but Dani used her hand to press against Jamie’s chest. “No, I mean it.” She tried to make herself seem as strict as possible, putting on her “teacher voice” as she called it. It had been a while since it was needed, but she knew how to be direct when needed. “You are staying in bed.” 

“Dani.” 

“No, I’m not hearing any excuses. You will stay in this bed. I prohibit anything else.” 

“The flowers are…”

Dani brought her hand to Jamie’s face, feeling the fever through Jamie’s cheeks. The action seemed to calm Jamie down, her anxiety slowly seeping away from the room. “All the notes are in the books. The Baileys know me. It’ll be fine.” And the arguing slipped away, Jamie sunk back into the bed and Dani only smiled a little. “I’ll finish with the appointment and then come back.”

The room was quiet, so Dani turned on the TV to a random game show and put the volume down low. She adjusted the sheets around Jamie, so that she was tucked in. She couldn’t help herself from brushing off some hair from Jamie’s face, pushing the curls around her ear. “Stay in bed. Sleep, okay?”

* * *

The Baileys were fine. They had a good idea on what they wanted the flowers to be for the wedding and reception. Dani didn’t claim to be an expert by any sorts of imagination. So she relied heavily on Jamie’s notes and ideas that had been written down. 

Well, she wouldn’t really call it written down. It was scrambled around drawn flower arrangement ideas. Dani had learned Jamie’s script enough to understand what was being said. 

Another charming thing her girlfriend did. The little sketches of flowers that were left around the shop always brought a smile to Dani’s face. It was nothing that Jamie would claim to be proud of, but Dani adored them all. There was always some idea running in Jamie’s head. 

The flower shop had been Jamie’s idea. She had dreamed it. And Dani wouldn’t let Jamie’s dream die. It was maybe a little too early in a relationship to open a business together, but it didn't matter. Dani didn’t know how long she had left, so she was in. 

Jamie had said as much when she was pitching the idea. It had been after a night in the motel upstate. Another time that Jamie had opened herself up for Dani to see. When Jamie shared, she poured her heart out and Dani was blessed to be the person who she shared it with. 

“ _ I want to share everything with you. The good, the bad, it all. As long as it’s me and you, Poppins. I’m in.” _

Dani blushed as she remembered what happened after that conversation. Because it was everything she had been missing. It had been everything she had feared. Moments passed where she was afraid Jamie would leave, decide that being with her was too risky, not worth it. 

But in that moment, Dani had felt the most overwhelming sense of love she had ever experienced. Logically, she knew that Eddie had promised her the same thing, but it wasn’t the same. Not at all. 

It was different because Dani wanted this too. She wanted to have all the goods and bads with Jamie, as long if it meant she had  _ Jamie _ . 

Jamie who was so guarded to the world, but open to her. Jamie who may act tough and scary but melted into her hands. Jamie who had never really anyone before. 

She wanted every version of Jamie there was.  _ Her _ Jamie. 

So, she had agreed to open a business, got a loan from the bank and opened The Leafling with Jamie. 

Dani wasn’t sure she would ever love anything as much as teaching. And she didn’t love working at the shop the same, but it was different. 

She loved it because it was  _ theirs _ .

Once the Baileys were done and satisfied, Dani quickly closed up shop. The rest of the customers could wait til tomorrow. 

* * *

Jamie, bless her heart, was still in bed when she returned. She had gone out on an errand before heading upstairs. 

The hot soup and tea sat on the kitchen counter as she sat on the bed next to Jamie. Her eyes were closed and her mouth open, in a peaceful slumber. Dani couldn’t help herself for pressing a light kiss against Jamie’s head before she retreated out of the bedroom. 

It must have been nearly two hours before she saw Jamie make her way out of the bedroom. Jamie just looked so small walking with her pajamas on and their duvet wrapped around her body. 

“You’re up,” Dani quicked as she pushed to the side of the couch and patted down next to her. “Come sit with me.” 

Jamie made the trip slowly, wiping at her nose at one point. 

“You feeling any better?” 

Jamie just shook her head and Dani took the gesture and stood up to go grab the tea she had purchased early. “Let me just warm this up.” 

Dani knew that Jamie hated when she put it in the microwave, but it was so much easier than warming it up on the stove. 

Jamie didn’t seem to mind today, instead she had made herself into a ball on the couch, staring as Dani moved about in the kitchen. 

“Here.” Dani handed Jamie the cup of tea. “Drink, it’ll help your throat.”

Perhaps she seemed too suspicious or it was the fact that she did not make tea well at all that stalled Jamie’s movements. “It’s not poison. I bought it from the coffee house next door.” 

Jamie sighed in relief. “Thank fuck.”

While Jamie was drinking, she dug around in the shopping bag she had put the cold medicine in. “I know I finished up the rest last week, but the pharmacist said this was the best option.”

Dani wasn’t sure if she had something on her face or what, because Jamie just stared up at her with a look of almost disbelief. Dani pulled a face and Jamie blinked out of the moment and brought the tea back up to her mouth for another sip. “What?” Dani had to know what had made her look like that. 

“It’s just… no one’s ever really cared before.” 

The words broke Dani’s heart. 

“Well,” Dani wasn’t sure what were the right words to say. “Well, now you do. So take this.” 

Jamie took the medicine given quickly, her eyes drawn back to the tea cup. 

Once Dani was sure Jamie had everything, she sat back down on the couch next to Jamie. Jamie still seemed so small as she put down her cup and pulled the duvet back across her lap. “Come here,” she asked as she opened up her arm to allow Jamie to sneak in. 

The TV in the living droned on as Jamie cuddled next to her. 

Dani was dreadfully hot, but she wasn’t going to move. Not when Jamie’s breaths had become more shallow and her weight was pressed against her side so comfortably. Any movement she made was met with a small groan or mumble as Jamie adjusted with her as well. So Dani found the most comfortable position she could on the couch and relaxed into it. 

She watched the TV as Jamie fell asleep on top of her and thought about how much she loved Jamie. How absolutely precious she was and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her. 

For as long as she was around, Jamie would always have someone who cared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the love <3 i'll also shamelessly promote my christmas fic. 
> 
> comments give me life. talk to me about damie on tumblr @hopecannotbefalse . also, i'm open for any prompts people have. i'm obsessed with them.


	8. the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, like you don’t have any photos of your embarrassing years.” 
> 
> She hadn’t meant it in any way other than a joke, but the uneasy silence that followed made Dani stop pulling items out of a box to stare at Jamie.
> 
> “Don’t, luckily,” Jamie finally responded. Dani knew that Jamie did this sometimes. Tried to make things seem like not that big of a deal with a joke.
> 
> aka the time about jamie's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: for mentions of abuse

It had come up when they were finally unpacking some boxes that they had gotten when Dani finally sold her house in Iowa. 

Jamie had laughed at a photo album that included some questionable outfit choices from when she was a kid. “Of course you were prom queen,” she teased as she pulled out a picture from the prom. 

The years had made it easier for Dani to look at pictures that may have contained Eddie. While she had become prom queen, he wasn’t her king. Instead it was some football player who had no interest in Dani other than the photos they had been forced to take together. 

“Seriously, Poppins, who let you dress yourself?” 

“Oh, like you don’t have any photos of your embarrassing years.” 

She hadn’t meant it in any way other than a joke, but the uneasy silence that followed made Dani stop pulling items out of a box to stare at Jamie. 

“Don’t, luckily,” Jamie finally responded. Dani knew that Jamie did this sometimes. Tried to make things seem like not that big of a deal with a joke. 

Jamie had never really talked to her about her family, other than when they went to see the moonflower and that time in Iowa. 

Other than that, Dani knew of Jamie’s life after prison. She knew of where she had gone and seen. She knew how she ended up at Bly. All those things, Jamie had told her before. She knew bits of information about her time in London, but that was it. 

Dani knew that whatever stories Jamie had from her time in foster care were not going to be pleasant ones. Jamie didn’t have a soft place to land during formative years of her life. Dani couldn’t-- well  _ didn’t _ want to imagine them. From all the few sentences she had heard, they already tore at her heart.

“Sorry, forget it,” Jamie mumbled, suddenly shy after noticing Dani staring at her. 

It wouldn't go forgotten for long. 

* * *

The lights were off in the bedroom, only a peak of moonlight and light from the street below shined into their room. 

Maybe if it had been a darker night, Dani wouldn’t have seen Jamie wiping quickly under her eyes. Maybe if it had been darker, she wouldn’t have noticed the way that Jamie had tensed under the covers. 

But tonight, Dani saw all those things. 

“You can, you know,” Dani spoke softly, reaching out across the bed till she found Jamie’s hand. “You can talk to me about this. If you, well, if you want to.”

“Just forget it, really, shouldn’t bother yourself with stuff like this.”

And it wasn’t any other night, so Dani pushed. “Don’t start with stuff like that. It’s not a bother, never.”

The silence fell between the two of them as Jamie slid down in the bed, until she was under the covers. Their hands disconnected as Dani brought herself back under the covers again, laying facing Jamie. She wouldn’t push any further. If Jamie truly didn’t want to share, that was alright. Dani only wanted Jamie to know that there wasn’t anything too scary to talk about. There was nothing she would say that would change anything between the two of them. God knows how much they talked about Dani. And Dani  _ knew _ that Jamie didn’t mind carrying some of her burdens when Dani spilled them out of her chest. Kind Jamie was always there, willing to hear whatever Dani had to say. All Dani wanted was for Jamie to know that she felt the same way. She was here. 

Dani kept the space open between the two of them, just the width of a pillow, tucking her head into the pillow and just looked at Jamie. 

It took a few moments, but Jamie’s hand reached for Dani’s under the duvet. She reached and Dani moved to grab her hand. 

Jamie’s hand was warm within her own. 

A squeeze, then two and Jamie sighed. 

A sigh that brought the hairs on Dani’s back up a little. 

_ Let me share this with you, _ Dani thought as she ran her thumb across Jamie’s knuckles. 

“It’s just that-- being the local trash was… It felt like being the trash, ain’t it."

" _Jamie_ ," Dani cracked at the word. Jamie wasn't trash, never. Instead of an answer, all Dani received was a squeeze. Jamie wasn't done talking.

"I bounced around from home to home, never really settled in anywhere. Denny was older, so I knew he got out of the system as soon as he was able. Me, I had to wait.”

The moment passed and Dani wanted to cry at the absolute hurt paired with anger that lingered deep in Jamie’s chest. 

“Six fucking years, being the trash.”

Dani could only faintly see Jamie’s face moving as she talked. Her face twisted with the word trash and her heart broke everything Jamie used it. Because it wasn’t her. Jamie wasn’t trash,  _ never _ . 

“Some places were nicer than others, never really stayed long enough in a nice one though. Too much baggage I suppose by then.” Jamie’s hand clenched in her own and Dani squeezed back, desperate to let Jamie know that she was listening and that she was here. 

“You’d think the wives weren’t bad at first, but they knew, knew what their husbands were up to. Locked m’self in a couple of rooms at places. 

One place, I remember, didn't have a lock on the door. Before I even really needed a lock on one. First night, he came round into the room. I was only 13, just a kid. Been missin’ my parents badly and thought, eh, might be nice to have a dad around.” 

Jamie’s voice trembled and Dani couldn’t stop herself from moving closer, the space in the bed between them suddenly too far. Maybe it was too soon, because Jamie sat up in the bed when she moved. Their hands stayed connected, so Dani pulled herself back up as well, staring at Jamie as she spoke. Her gaze had flickered from Jamie’s face to their hands, intertwined on top of the duvet. She could only hope that Jamie found some kind of comfort of her touch. 

“Just a kid, he just wasn’t a dad, turns out. Perverted old men and their wives that know.” 

Dani doesn’t know if the story is over, so she just waits in silence. Jamie’s breaths seem so loud and Dani knows that she’s trying to pull herself together. 

“I dunno, after that, I never trusted anyone else. Too many folks looking for a quick buck. Turned 16 and left, tried to leave sooner than that but didn’t last.” 

Dani stayed silent, only taking the effort to squeeze at Jamie’s hand. 

As a teacher, she had foster kids in her classes. They were all younger than Jamie had been, but she had learned to recognize signs of abuse and neglect pretty quickly. She had learned the channels she had to go through, how sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. Not to get her wrong, those cases happened outside of foster care as well. 

It was just that the kids that needed the extra help sometimes didn’t have someone in the home looking out for them. So Dani had taken it upon herself to help, in any way she could. She stayed after school and tried to be a positive influence. 

But with Jamie, it was different. 

Pity wasn’t what her soul ached with. Instead, she was entirely sympathetic towards her love. Her heart broke with the story. 

“Baby,” she finally settled on as she spoke. The story was over and Dani felt comfortable moving again. She desperately wanted to have Jamie look at her, instead of staring out into the darkness. “Can I hug you?” she asked because every time Jamie gave her a hug after she had cried she would ask. 

She wasn’t expecting a verbal reply, but once she saw the nod she reached across the bed to pull Jamie into her arms. 

The hug didn’t seem close enough, so Dani pulled Jamie almost on top of herself, pressing her hands against her back securely. “You didn’t deserve any of that.” She didn’t know the right words to say, but she knew she wanted Jamie to know that she wasn’t wrong, she had never been  _ trash _ . “None of that was right.”

Her words seemed to have some sort of effect on Jamie as Dani could feel her chest heaving against her own. She shushed the cries that were soft between the two of them. Because even though it was years ago, the pain still hurt. "I'm here," she whispered as she rubbed her back. "You're safe," she promised and felt Jamie sag against her. Almost like Jamie's body had opened up to invite her in. Safety was in each other's arms. The same safety that could be found between them where ever they were. It didn't matter if it was in their apartment or a motel during one of their road trips. In each other's arms was safe, it was _home._

Dani didn't dare to move until Jamie's breaths had slowed and the body against hers seemed heavier, tiredness seeping into the embrace.  “Thank you,” she spoke as she felt Jamie’s head press heavy into her shoulder. “For sharing.” 

Jamie seemed shy as she pulled away from Dani. Bearing her heart always had a similar effect on her. Dani wished only to continue to show and prove to Jamie that nothing wasn’t alright to talk about. She would be here for the good and the bad. She embraced every part of her. 

“I love you,” the words pinged painfully against her heart. It was so honest and true that Dani hurts at the words. 

“I love you.” 

She didn’t take any of their admissions of guilt not to heart, but this was different. It was raw and Dani knew that Jamie felt the same from her. 

Sometimes love was heavy. Sometimes it was as light as a feather. Whatever it was, Dani would gladly have it all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this came into my head and i had to write it. jamie only deserves the best things and i refuse to believe that dani doesn't agree


End file.
